Some things I've learned

Though I do not proclaim to be the prefect parent, (my kids, and husband AND neighbors for that matter can attest to that) I have learned a few things in my short life that have helped me along the way. (Especially in the last few months) Here are a few things I’ve learned.

Kids need limits! Kids will push and push and if you do not have concrete limits, they will continue to push until they have gone too far. Rules are a must and there must be consequence to breaking them.

Kids need structure! I started a new chore chart that my kids know they have to complete before they can play. It includes homework, piano practice, emptying recycle, etc. My oldest has done great with this and he knows just what is expected of him. It takes the nagging out of the day and all I have to do is ask to see, or ask if he has done his chart.

Kids need to feel important and empowered! Kids need choices. Kids need rewards. They don’t have to be monetary or extravagant. My oldest had a really good week, so as a reward, he got to say up and watch a movie with his parents. He earned that right and he felt special.

Kids need love, even 10 year old boys! I learned that I need to find out how my kids need to be loved and what ways to do it. Everyone feels love differently. Time is a big one. Being interested in the things they are doing. (Even if it is not interesting to me at all.)

Kids need to learn the value of money! My kids can earn as much of as little as they want each month. We don’t give them “allowance”, they earn “Income”. Their chore charts are called time cards and they are responsible for marking it when they do the job. If they don’t mark it, they won’t get paid for it. I am also trying to teach them responsibility, and returning and reporting. Each chore has a value. (Younger kids .05, older .10 per chore) They can also get points taken away for fighting, dishonesty, etc.

Kids need to learn the pride and joy of a job well done! This is where the reward comes in. It could be time with parents, it could be a special plate at dinner, and it could just be a “Good Job Honey, I Love You!” My kids also see it in their paycheck at the end of the month.

Kids need to learn the value of work! We are trying to teach our kids more about service. We are trying to teach them that sometimes you do things because you love someone and they could benefit from you services.

Kids need a controlled environment! Controlled, NOT controlling. If you home is chaotic, and clutter, that will reflect in their attitude and behavior. Mine too! When my kids are out of control, if they are fighting too much, that constitutes for a “No Media Week”. They don’t have TV, computer or video games for a week. They aren’t happy for the first few days, but by the end, they found their toys and even enjoy playing together again. I have also said no friends until they can treat each other with respect and kindness.

Kids need nutritious, balance diets! My kids are not allowed to not eat something just because they don’t think they like it. They are also not required to “be a member of the clean the plate club” as I was. I have had to deal with varying degrees of food allergies with my kids and they are all creatures of habit. One of my kids in particular view eating more as a chore that a pleasure. He would rather starve than find something to eat. He will also eat the same thing everyday if I let him. (He is so me) I have had to really step back and look at their diets and see where we could improve. Malnutrition can be the cause of moodiness, slow growth and even depression.

As I said, these are some things that I have learned. I am not always the best at it. My kitchen in chaos and looks like it blew up because I am going through cook books, I watch more TV than I should and eat junk for snacks, but I am working each day to be a better mom for my kids and wife for my husband.